We are told — endlessly — that there is no connection between immigration, asylum hotels, and HMOs. That’s just conspiracy talk, apparently. The “gainsayers brigade” assure us we’re hysterical, paranoid, and probably in need of a nice lie-down.
Well, while we’re resting, let’s consider a few inconvenient facts (all straight from the mainstream press):
– Over 51,000 people have arrived in small boats since Labour took office — that’s right, since Keir Starmer donned the keys to Number 10.
– That’s not a typo. Fifty-one thousand. Roughly the population of Shrewsbury, dropped off in dinghies.
– And yet, the Prime Minister is off glad-handing in New York again, taking selfies with diplomats — and even managing a very dodgy-looking hug with the President of Ukraine outside Drowning Street (a Freudian slip if ever there was one), a pose oddly reminiscent of certain young Ukrainian arsonists we’ve read about.
– Meanwhile, towns like ours are left wondering who exactly is moving into the old Smithfield Hotel.
But hotels are expensive. Public anger is awkward. So government policy is now: “Hotels out.”
And here comes the unspoken sequel: HMOs in.
Because when the last coachload departs the Holiday Inn, the people themselves don’t disappear. They don’t beam back to Calais. They need roofs — fast. And guess who’s ready? Sidhu and his merry band of property speculators.
Yes, Bhupinderjit “Jassy” Sidhu and associates — aided by their Milton Keynes partners the Panchals — have been quietly snapping up Oswestry’s heritage buildings. The Smithfield Hotel? That’ll be a 22-bed HMO if they get their way. Cross Street? Already waved through as a six-bed HMO. Even pubs in Cannock and Highley are being carved into multi-lets. It’s a business model: buy, borrow, convert, and cram.
And they don’t even need to bother with a vision — that’s left to Creative Planning (Joe Salt & Co.), the planning agent who cheerfully scribbles the words “sustainable development” on the paperwork while everyone pretends this is the next big thing in urban regeneration.
Meanwhile, where are our councillors? Those noble guardians of the public interest? Silent. Paralysed. Or worse, complicit. It’s happening on their watch, and unless they act, they’ll be remembered as the most useless representatives of this century — the ones who let Oswestry be hollowed out room by room, bunk by bunk.
The gainsayers tell us:
– HMOs are perfectly safe. (So long as you ignore the overcrowding, the fire hazards, and the absence of a manager.)
– There’s no impact on children. (Except when your eight-year-old walks past a 22-bed lodging house every morning.)
– There’s no link to immigration. (Quite right. People arriving by dinghy obviously open their own Rightmove accounts and negotiate mortgages before breakfast.)
Sarcasm aside, let’s spell it out: when asylum hotels close, the “solution” is not magical repatriation. It is saturation — in towns like Oswestry. More beds in fewer houses, more strangers per street, more pressure on every local service you can name.
But if you dare to raise this, the gainsayers roll their eyes: “Don’t be dramatic.”
Well forgive us, but when an old coaching inn suddenly sprouts 22 bedrooms and a revolving door of unknown occupants, drama may be the most rational response.
So, by all means, let’s trust the system. After all, the Council has never mismanaged anything before, has it? And pigs, as ever, continue their rehearsals for take-off.
But here’s the real question: what do we actually do about it?
The answer is hardly rocket science. Easy: hire a few ferries, load them up, and send the buggers straight back to where they came from. “Simples,” as the insurance companies like to say.
Of course, Keir could always ask his new best friend, President Macron, to help out. After all, with the special relationship they seem to be cultivating — hugs here, photo-ops there — you’d think Paris might take back a few of the dinghy-dropped darlings. But no: Macron keeps the champagne flowing, Starmer keeps the selfies coming, and Britain keeps the HMOs.
So — while thousands are crossing in dinghies, and MPs jet off to New York to pose beside Drowning Street, we’re still pumping £480 million plus into France’s beach-patrolling apparatus. And Macron says they’re “chipping in extra too.”
Because clearly, what this border crisis needs is more vacuum-cleaners, drones, and detective binoculars, not common sense or accountability.
The Alternative Council 