In the ruins of what was once the United Kingdom, a strange doctrine reigns supreme: the right to enter illegally, claim victimhood, and immediately demand taxpayer-funded room service.
The Liberal Democrats — those tireless guardians of every cause except Britain’s own people — have a plan for immigration:
Step 1: Invite the world.
Step 2: Criminalise anyone who notices.
Step 3: Pay SERCO billions to shuffle paperwork while hotel lobbies fill up faster than a cashpoint on benefit day.
Arrive illegally? No problem. Under Liberal Democrat policy, you’ll not only get housed — you’ll get a work permit within three months. Start a new life! Why not start a few? Identification checks are apparently passé in the brave new Britain.
Not to be outdone, Labour has promised to tear up the few scraps of border enforcement left, while solemnly promising to “smash” the people smugglers. Like a man setting fire to his house and offering to rebuild the front porch.
Meanwhile, the Conservatives, gripped by the political equivalent of long Covid, occasionally bark about deportations but mostly just quietly process another few thousand asylum claims before lunch.
The Rwanda flights are always “imminent”, much like a bus service that was cancelled three hours ago but the sign still flashes “arriving shortly.”
Only Reform UK dares speak plainly: stop the boats, detain illegal arrivals, exit the ECHR, defend the border.
Naturally, every media outlet from Islington to Broadcasting House screamed “Fascist!” — proving, once again, that basic border control is now considered extremism.
In the meantime, the humble taxpayer faces the consequences:
Your bin is collected once a fortnight — if you’re lucky.
Your GP surgery offers an appointment three weeks after your funeral.
But rest easy knowing you are funding boutique accommodation for new arrivals, while your elderly neighbour is left to rot in a mouldy flat.
And if you live under the wise stewardship of a Liberal Democrat council, your council tax now costs more than your first car did.
Elmbridge? Surrey Heath? Richmond?
Beacons of enlightened governance, where £2,600 a year buys you potholes large enough to shelter an entire migrant family.
If you thought things couldn’t get worse, think again:
Four-day council working weeks — pioneered in South Cambridgeshire by the Liberal Democrats — mean that even when you try to complain, nobody’s bloody there to answer the phone.
Efficiency, they call it. Theft, more accurate men might say.
As for housing? The Lib Dem solution is inspired:
- Abolish landlord immigration checks.
- Expand rights to rent for everyone, legal or otherwise.
- Blame shortages on “underinvestment,” while welcoming tens of thousands more into an already collapsing system.
In Shropshire and across Britain’s hollowed-out heartlands, people watch the descent with grim resignation.
Local Facebook groups simmer with anger.
The Shropshire Star dutifully reports on yet another housing project for “vulnerable newcomers.”
Meanwhile, native Britons join the housing lists behind a queue longer than a January NHS waiting list.
Dare to object? The full force of political correctness descends upon you.
You are a xenophobe, a racist, a relic.
Be grateful.
Be silent.
Be taxed until your ears bleed.
This is Borderless Britain:
A once-great nation reduced to a tax farm for globalism, where loyalty is punished and criminality is accommodated — warmly, promptly, and with full board.
Welcome, new citizen.
The country’s yours.
What’s left of it, anyway.
The Alternative Council 