While the Liberal Democrats polish their eco-conscious credentials with dreams of flower-filled garden cities and leafy suburbs for the affluent, one wonders—who exactly is buying into this suburban utopia? Certainly not the average tenant staring down the barrel of a 500% council tax hike on second homes (unless, of course, they’re the second-class citizens living next to them).
The Manifesto: Garden Cities and Fiscal Fantasies
The Liberal Democrat 2024 manifesto is a vision wrapped in virtue, tied with a ribbon of recycled planning jargon:
- Ten new Garden Cities: Think SimCity meets The Good Life — except without the soil, community consent, or transport infrastructure.
- 380,000 new homes a year, including 150,000 social homes: Delivered, one assumes, by the same local councils that can’t repair a pothole without a six-month study and a coffee-fuelled Zoom call.
- 500% council tax increases on second homes: A Robin Hood policy, until you realise Robin’s arrows are pointing squarely at the middle class trying to pass down a modest flat to their kids.
And while they champion brownfield development, the size of their ambition raises suspicions: either the UK’s derelict warehouses are bigger than we thought, or the Green Belt is being quietly redefined as “optional.”
Helen Morgan MP: Abstaining for Britain
North Shropshire’s Helen Morgan has participated in just under 78% of parliamentary votes since taking her seat. That means she’s been absent or abstained in over 180 votes, a number which—if nothing else—suggests she’s perfected the art of being neither here nor there.
Given that Morgan is the Lib Dem spokesperson for Health and Social Care, one might ask: is the prescription for policy malaise a strong dose of neutrality?
The Labour–Lib Dem Tactical Tango in Wem
And now, a delicious little titbit from the grassroots: a Labour activist in Wem, distinctly not brimming with enthusiasm, has confirmed that Labour canvassers have been instructed to advise their supporters to vote Liberal Democrat — yes, you read that right — in a desperate effort to keep Reform UK out.
One imagines the exchange on the doorstep:
Voter: “So you want me to vote for the Lib Dems?”
Canvasser: “Yes, but not because we like them… just to stop someone else.”
Voter: “Sounds like an inspiring vision for the future!”
It’s politics by subtraction—vote for what you don’t want, to avoid what you fear most. If only tactical voting came with a refund policy.
The Splash Pad Saga: Oswestry’s Puddle of Promise
Every town needs a dreamer, and in Oswestry, that dreamer is Councillor Jay Moore — prospective Shropshire Councillor and champion of the now-legendary Cae Glas Park splash pad. A watery oasis for families, a vote-winning gesture for candidates, and, some might say, a distraction from more pressing civic puddles.
Backed by around 500 residents, the idea sounded charming enough—until it collided with fiscal and physical reality.
First came the objections: spiralling costs, water usage during climate crisis chatter, and even the carbon footprint of laughter. Councillor Les Maguire raised the red flag on budget implications, while Councillor Mark Jones took issue with its green credentials, or lack thereof.
And then, as if scripted by a local government sitcom writer, came the pièce de résistance:
£3,000 of public money was spent on a consultant…Yes yet another consultant.
who—after extensive deliberation—managed to suggest the wrong location.
Yes, dear reader, the splash pad dream—fondly known to locals as “The Puddle in the Park”—was mapped out in an area of Cae Glas Park not even remotely viable for the project. You couldn’t make it up. Except, of course, someone did. And invoiced us for it.
Oswestry Town Council’s eventual solution? Re-tender the whole project and have another go—consultants and all. Because nothing says progress like repeating mistakes at a higher price.
Conclusion: A Coalition of Confusion
Between the Lib Dems’ architectural fantasies, The Greens backroom deal-making, and the paddling pool that never was, the voter is left wondering: who’s actually offering leadership, and who’s simply playing a very long game of musical chairs?
Perhaps it’s time for voters to stop playing by the tactical rulebook… and start flipping the board.
Mean while Ed Davey is still a fool.
And Ed Milliband is still the most dangerous man in the country
The Alternative Council 