A Tale of a Bike with Three Wheels

Dear readers we were going to do an article about how the Oswestry Town Rickshaw came into being. Unfortunately, we are still gathering information on this subject, so in the interim we had a meeting; yes, we know, a meeting!

And came to the momentous decision that rather than let you good people down, we would postpone this article for another day and instead tell you a story about the bike with three wheels.

Please accept our sincere apologies, but, have no fear we will publish the intended article soon.

Omnipresence

The Curious Tale of the Bike of Three Wheels

Once upon a time, there was a wicked warlock who, following a rather torrid time in another world, arrived in the quaint little town of Oswald’s Tree. He surrounded himself with other lesser warlocks and witches who were so under his thrall that they always did his bidding and followed him without question.

He had an idea

One day, he had an idea. What if he could combine his plan of world domination with his hobby of riding a bicycle? He would achieve his true ambition of having everyone travel on bicycles and have fun at the same time. He knew he could not afford to be associated with the likes of “Extinction Rebellion” or “Just Stop Oil.” Even his blind followers would not put up with that, would they? So, a more subtle approach was needed. Then, out of the blue, came an opportunity. A fellow warlock in Scrobbesbyrig, a nearby town whose leader held sway over Oswald’s Tree, offered a solution to the wicked warlock’s conundrum.

The Warlock of Scrobbesbyrig

If Scrobbesbyrig’s warlock had somewhere to keep his bike of three wheels, he would guarantee that the wicked warlock could use it whenever he wanted, and he would pay for the driver of the machine. All the wicked warlock had to do was find a building to house the bike of three wheels in Oswald’s Tree, and in return, his new best pal, the Scrobbesbyrig warlock, would come to an arrangement that meant he would pay no taxes. All the wicked warlock had to do was find a way where he needn’t pay the landlord any rent. Easy—the wicked warlock’s followers always did as they were told anyway, so no problem.

No Rent No Taxes

An offer too good to be true, thought the wicked warlock. “I’ll take it,” he thought, blithely disregarding that nagging little inner voice that said, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.” And so it came to pass that Oswald’s Tree gained its very own bike of three wheels, but the sting in the tail was that they didn’t own it. The small print said that ownership fell into the hands of the Scrobbesbyrig warlock.

It’s not my money anyway

“Never mind,” thought our wicked warlock, “it’s not my money anyway.” But hark, a veritable fly has appeared in the ointment; someone else made an offer for the building. The new party wanted to open an attraction that would bring much-needed revenue into Oswald’s Tree, and lo and behold, the chosen spot for the new party to land was the very ointment that the wicked warlock had chosen for his bike of three wheels. Disaster! “What am I to do?” thought the wicked warlock. “Perhaps if I arranged for my underlings to drag their feet, maybe the new party would get frustrated and fly away.” And indeed, the new party did get frustrated and did fly away.

“Phew,” thought the wicked warlock, “that was a close one. I hope Omnipresence doesn’t get to hear of this.” And so it came to pass that the bike of three wheels had a home that was rent and tax-free, and the wicked warlock could use it whenever he liked.

But shush—don’t tell Omnipresence.